


I Believe in Miracles

by hannahindie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aztec Gods, Crack, Dean Winchester - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Reader Insert, Romance, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Stripping, Supernatural - Freeform, cas, cas x reader, castiel - Freeform, castiel x reader - Freeform, corn maze, han writes the things, leiderhosen, maize, spn fanfic, stripper!Cas, supernatural fanfiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 08:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16889202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahindie/pseuds/hannahindie
Summary: An Aztec god has taken residence in a local strip club, and bodies keep showing up left and right. The reader goes undercover, but things go south and Cas has to go outside of his comfort zone to help.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> There’s partial nudity, cursing, a lot of sass, and Cas not being amused with either brother about 100% of the time. In fact, Cas is 125% done with both of them for this entire fic. Just imagine his face is in a constant state of eye roll and frowns. Oh, and walking tacos. And a brief mention of hallucinogens, that may or may not have been consumed by someone in this fic. Listen, this thing goes a lot of places, so fair warning. I can’t promise anything.

**Right Freakin’ Now**

_**In a hotel somewhere in Nebraska** _

Cas stood silently, his hands dangling at his sides as he looked over the clothing spread across the bed with narrowed eyes. Sam and Dean stood to the side, both brothers leaning against the dresser as they tried to keep straight faces while watching Cas’s obvious discomfort at the task at hand.

“I cannot make this decision. These are not good options, Dean.”

“Cas, buddy, I know it’s not ideal, but you’ve gotta do it. Me and Sam…we’re too recognizable, we’ll never be able make it in without getting caught. It’s gotta be you, man.”

Cas glared at Dean, “Not ideal? I am an Angel of the Lord. If my Father saw me doing this…”

“But he won’t, Cas. God’s not around, and he certainly won’t be in a place like that.”

Cas’s glare shifted from Dean to Sam, “Oh, I am sorry, I forgot that the Almighty cannot see through walls. Sam, what do you think being the God of all entails, exactly?” Sam huffed but remained quiet, and Dean choked back a snort as he watched Cas’s attention turn back to the clothing. “I cannot choose. All of these are inappropriate.”

Dean walked over and clapped Cas on the shoulder, earning him a severe side eye from the angel, “That’s kinda the point of this, Cas. Here…” Dean’s eyes skimmed over the outfits, and he grinned when his eyes landed on what he’d been looking for. He grabbed the somewhat flimsy fabric and held it out to Cas, “What about this? It’s not as…revealing.”

Cas looked at the garment Dean was holding up and frowned, “Can I wear something underneath? I believe the original purpose of this outfit used more accessories.”

Dean shook his head, “Where you’re going, you ain’t gonna need more accessories.” 

Instead of glaring, Cas looked at Dean with almost pleading eyes, “Must I really do this? Is there really no other way to accomplish our task? I am an angel, after all, I could just go in and come right back out.”

Sam was the one to shake his head this time, “No, Cas. There are too many moving parts. This isn’t just a rescue mission, we have to actually stop the thing too.”

“Listen, Cas, if we had any other options, we wouldn’t have you do it. But we have to kill a god and we have to get Y/N back, and this is what we’re left with. I promise that we will take care of it before you actually have to do anything. So for Y/N, huh?” Dean gently shook the clothing at Cas, his eyebrows raised.

Cas sighed as he grabbed the offending garment from Dean, “Fine. I will do it, but both of you will keep your comments to yourselves. I fully expect you to resolve this before I have to make a fool out of myself.”

Dean made an X over his heart and looked at Cas solemnly, “Cross my heart, buddy. You won’t have to do a thing other than find Y/N and get her out of there.”

Unfortunately for Cas, he missed the look Sam and Dean shared behind his back as the brothers ushered him out of the room and towards the hotel’s parking lot.

* * *

  **Three days earlier…**

Sam, Dean, and Cas were all sitting around the worn table in the hotel room, their eyes trained on Y/N as she explained her plan. She looked quite pleased with herself, although the three men looked less than excited.

“So, what do you think?”

Dean looked at Sam, then glanced over to find Cas looking straight ahead, his lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed, “Well, umm…it’s a plan. Definitely…yea. Definitely a plan.’”

Sam cleared his throat, “Just…are we even sure that it’s Xochipilli? Why would an Aztec god be in Nebraska?”

Y/N put a hand on one of her hips and frowned, “Why are half the things we hunt where they are? Does it matter why he’s here? Nope. What matters is that people keep disappearing in that new corn maze and showing up with missing organs, strung up like scarecrows. And you know who loves corn? Xochipilli loves corn.”

“Maize,” Cas’s deep voice startled all three of them.

Y/N raised an eyebrow, “What?”

Cas shifted his gaze to Y/N, “He’s actually associated with Cinteotl, who is the god of maize. Xochipilli is responsible for agricultural produce, technically.”

Sam nodded, “Which brings up another important question: Why is the god of agricultural produce in a strip club?”

Y/N spun her laptop around and jabbed a finger at it for emphasis, “He’s also the god of beauty, dance, and song, among other things. And what does stripping involve? Dance and song.”

“Xochipilli is a busy man,” Dean chuckled and elbowed Sam, which earned him one of Sam’s patented eye rolls. “Anyway, I don’t see where that means you need to go undercover. Why can’t we just go in after hours and gank the son of a bitch? Business as usual.”

Y/N clicked another tab on the web browser and pointed at the picture, “Because he wears a talisman, an oyohualli. So we have to find the person wearing it and then destroy the pendant. That should take care of it. I’m assuming he’ll be in male form, but I couldn’t find a ton of lore about him. Thus the need for undercover.”

Dean laughed, “I think Y/N just wants to get up on that pole.” He waggled his eyebrows and Y/N smacked him on the shoulder. Sam didn’t miss the especially pointed glare that Cas sent Dean’s way, despite staying quiet.

“Okay,” Sam said louder than necessary, “the plan is for Y/N to go to the club and pose as a stripper looking for a job, and then what? Just wander around looking for someone wearing a corn pendant-”

“Maize,”  Cas interrupted, his gaze still on Y/N.

Sam rolled his eyes, “Maize pendant. And then-”

“The pendant doesn’t look like maize. It’s a tear drop made out of mother of pearl. Why would it look like maize?” Y/N interrupted Sam this time, and he dropped his head in his hands.

“Fine. We find the tear drop pendant and then what? How are we supposed to get it? We’re talking about a god. I know we’ve killed them before, but it’s not like it’s a walk in the park. Do we know if destroying that pendant will kill him?”

Y/N winked, “Don’t worry, I’ll find a way. I don’t know for sure, but if we can sever his ties to it, then…well, the rest should be cake.” She grabbed a bag, which up until that point the guys had not seen, and skipped to the bathroom.

Sam turned his attention to Cas, “What was that?”

Cas’s eyes narrowed, “What was what?”

Sam nodded his head towards the bathroom, “That face you made when Dean mentioned Y/N pole dancing. If looks could kill, man.”

Cas tilted his head in confusion, “I do not know what you mean. I simply looked at him.”

Sam leaned towards Cas and lowered his voice, “Nope, that wasn’t just a glance in his general direction. You glared at him.” Cas’s eyes dropped to where his hands were nervously straightening his tie, but he remained quiet. “Are you….are you jealous?”

Cas looked sharply at Sam, his brows furrowed, “Sam, I am an angel, I do not feel jealousy. Even if I did exhibit such a human emotion, I have no reason to be jealous of Dean. The suggestion is ridiculous-”

“Holy hell!” Dean’s exclamation interrupted them, and Sam’s mouth dropped open as he looked towards the disruption. Y/N had come out of the bathroom wearing something that could barely classify as clothing. She was wearing a black, skin tight, low-cut crop top and a pair of jean shorts that were barely clinging to the idea of being considered shorts. She’d topped off the ensemble with black heels that were at least six inches tall and had taken the time to straighten her hair and put makeup on. Y/N was beautiful even during the filthiest hunts, but none of them were prepared for the sight standing in front of them.

“What do you think? Convincing enough?” Sam and Dean both just nodded.

Cas, looking perplexed, asked the question that all three were thinking, “How does dressing provocatively prove that you can dance? I don’t understand the correlation.”

Y/N focused her gaze on Cas and smiled, “You don’t think I can dance?” Sam’s eyes widened as he realized what she was about to do.

“I do not know what kind of education you’ve received, Y/N, only that it seemed you were implying that your outfit alone proved your ability to provoke arousal through dance.” Y/N began to walk slowly towards Cas, her eyes trained on him as she stopped just short of where he was sitting.

“So are you saying that my outfit isn’t convincing?” She shoved his knees apart and slipped between them as she grabbed his tie and forced him to look up at her.

“I…I did not say that. …What are you doing?”  

Y/N bent down so that she was leaning over him, her cleavage practically in his face, “Well, I want to make sure I can get the job done, I don’t want to go in there all half-cocked and blow it.” Y/N winked slyly at Sam, then dropped suddenly so that she was sitting in Cas’s lap. “I watched some YouTube videos, it didn’t seem that hard.” She slowly kicked her leg up and over his head so that she was straddling his hips when it came back down, and her arms were looped loosely around his neck.

“I’m not so sure she learned those moves from YouTube, Sammy,”  Dean practically croaked.

Y/N gave Dean a wicked grin over Cas’s shoulder then leaned forward, her lips barely ghosting over the shell of Cas’s ear, “What do you think now, Angel of the Lord?” She stood suddenly and walked towards the door, “You boys comin’ or not?” She walked outside, and both Sam and Dean turned their attention to Cas.

“I think someone might be,” Dean whispered loudly to Sam, who had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Sam and Dean stood to leave, and Dean looked back over his shoulder at the still sitting angel, “You coming, Cas?”

Cas gave an almost imperceptible head shake, “No, I…uh… “ His normally deep voice had dropped even lower, and Dean had to take a step toward Cas to even hear him, “I will be a moment. I will..uhm…I will be there shortly.” Dean chuckled but retreated without saying anything else, closing the door behind him.

* * *

 Sam, Dean, and Cas stood next to the Impala outside of Poppin’ Pacoani as they waited for Y/N to let them know if she’d gotten the job or not. Cas stared at the “Now Hiring” sign with a frown, his eyebrows knitted more tightly together than usual.

“Cas, come on, we’ve gotta go inside. Y/N texted me, she said they hired her on the spot.” Sam shoved his phone in his pocket and walked quickly to the entrance, quickly followed by a muttering Dean.

“Of course they hired her on the spot, she probably just had to look at them and wink. Sweet Jesus…”

Cas frowned, “I do not think we should allow her to do this. She should not  have to take her clothes off to find the information we are looking for.”

Dean turned back to Cas, who looked dejected as he leaned against the Impala, “ _We_ shouldn’t let her do it? I don’t know if we’re talking about the same girl, but no one lets her do anything. She just does it. What’s your problem? You’ve been acting weird this whole time, is it because this is a ‘den of inequity’ or something?”

Sam stopped at the door and watched as Dean retraced his steps back to the car, sighed, then followed his brother, “We don’t have time for this, Y/N is expecting us in there.”

Dean waved his hand at Sam, “Nuh-uh, we’re talking about this. Cas has had a stick up his ass this entire time, and we have done far worse than a strip joint. Hell, Sam, we impersonated priests, and not a word out of this guy. So what? What’s your problem?”

Cas glanced at Sam, who shrugged, then back to Dean, “First, I do not have a stick in any of my orifices, just to be clear. Second, I have no problem. I just do not think that Y/N should have to remove her clothes in front of a room of men. Would you want to remove your clothes in front of a group of complete strangers?”

Dean raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips as if thinking about it, “Eh, I’ve done worse.” He crossed his arms, “So, what gives?”

Cas fidgeted with his tie again, his eyes focused on what his fingers were doing, “I just do not believe Y/N should let all those men see her unclothed.”

Dean looked at Cas, then to Sam, then back to Cas, his eyes wide, “You’re jealous!” He waved his hand toward Cas as he looked at Sam, “He’s jealous!”

“Angels don’t get jealous, Dean. Leave him alone and come on. Cas, you can stay out here. We’ll call if we need anything. Let’s go.” Sam began walking back toward the strip club, and Dean lingered for a moment as he looked questioningly at Cas.

When Cas remained silent, Dean threw his hands up and rolled his eyes, “Fine. We’ll talk about it later.”  He stormed after Sam, and Cas sighed in relief.

Castiel looked over at the door as it swung shut behind the brothers and frowned. “This is not ideal,” he muttered to himself as he opened the back door of the Impala and sat down to wait.

* * *

 “Dude, they have these things called ‘walking tacos’. Kinda sounds like an STD, but they’re damn delicious. Wanna try it?” Dean offered Sam the bag of what looked like Fritos mixed with a conglomeration of various taco toppings and Sam shook his head, a look of disgust on his face.

“First, you’re disgusting. Second, you need to focus. Do you see anyone that could fit Xochipilli’s description?”

Dean rolled his eyes as he shoved another bite of taco into his mouth, “Yea, because he’s obviously going to look exactly like what an Aztec god is described as,” he mumbled around corn chips and cheese. “Did you forget about that freaking hotel? Ganesh didn’t exactly look like an elephant.”

It was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes, “Whatever, dude. Do you see anyone suspicious, anyone wearing the talisman Y/N described?”

Dean glanced around, his crunching eliciting another glare from Sam, and shook his head, “I don’t see anyone that stands out, definitely no talisman. Maybe Y/N has found something.” 

Sam elbowed Dean and pointed towards the stage, “I think she found something. Not so sure it’s a talisman.”

Dean slowly turned to face the stage and his mouth gaped open, lettuce and taco meat dropping onto his shirt, “Whoa.”

 _“Next up, a new face in our beautiful ranks, please welcome Angel to the stage!_ ” The lights dimmed, and Sam and Dean watched as Y/N walked slowly out on stage. Her outfit was different than she’d had on before; she had swapped out her crop top and jean shorts for a black leather halter dress, the hem of which stopped just below giving everything away. She had switched out her high heels for knee-high stiletto boots and had added black fishnet thigh-highs. The boys watched as the music started, and they were treated to a punk version of Umbrella as Y/N began her routine.

Dean leaned towards Sam, “What could she possibly take off, there’s barely anything there! She’s not actually going to do it, is she?” he hissed, the idea not seeming as appealing as it had when he’d been talking to Cas earlier.

Sam shrugged, “I don’t know, but she’s got this. She’ll be fine. Just…eat your walking taco and calm down.” Dean’s attention moved back to the stage when he heard a shout rise from the crowd. Despite the high tempo of the song, Y/N was alternating between fast spins and slow splits, and by the time he looked up she was holding herself upside down on the pole with just her legs as she reached out and grabbed dollar bills from the men in the front row.

As she flipped off of the pole, Dean punched Sam in the arm, then gesticulated wildly towards Y/N, “She has angel wing tattoos! When did she get those?! How….what is happening…?”

Sam shook out his arm and glared at Dean, “Still not our problem, Dean. It’s not like she has to tell us everything, and she’s not always lived and hunted with us. Our actual problem is finding an Aztec god hell bent on sacrificing everyone in his path so that he can have a nice cornfield, so maybe look for that.” Dean glanced around the room, but nothing caught his eye until his gaze returned to the stage. Y/N pulled her hair down and shook it out, her y/h/c locks spilling down almost to her elbows, and her hands went to the knot at the back of her neck as she moved to untie her halter.

Dean threw the walking taco, nearly hitting a nearby patron, and started marching towards the stage, “I can’t let her do this. I can’t. This…it’s wrong, man.”

“Dean!” Sam whispered loudly, his eyes searching the room for any bouncers that were lurking, “Dean!”

Dean rushed towards the stage, so focused on his mission that he never saw the two large men begin to flank him on both sides, “Y…Angel! Stop! You don’t have to do this!”

Sam saw the two men gunning for Dean and groaned, “Seriously?!” He ran after Dean with the hope that he would reach him before the bouncers would. Sam had half of his wish granted when one of the two bouncers veered off and collided into him, their bodies slamming into one of the tables. Dean, momentarily distracted by the sound of breaking wood and shattering glass, turned to see what the commotion was just as the second bouncer plowed into him. Unlike Sam, he was able to keep his balance and attempted to throw a punch but was quickly stopped by a meaty fist as it connected with his face. Dean hit the floor and groaned, allowing the bouncer to lift him up and carry him to the door. He cast one last look towards the stage where he saw Y/N standing with a hand on her hip, top half off and frowning. Dean groaned again and let his head fall back, his eyes closed.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean have been kicked out of the strip club, and it's up to Cas to help distract the God while Sam looks for the reader. Meanwhile, there's something a little off about the tacos...

“I don’t want to go over this again,” Dean practically whined as he spit more blood and grimaced at the sting in his lip. Cas moved as if to heal him and Dean waved him off, “Don’t bother.”

Sam groaned as he picked a piece of glass out of his bicep, “The one time I’m not wearing a jacket, and I get thrown into glass table. By the way, thanks for that Dean.”

Dean glared at Sam, “You didn’t have to run after me. I had it.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Oh, yea, you had it alright. You had two giant ass guys chasing you down because they thought you were some sort of religious zealot trying to save Y/N’s soul.”

Cas looked between the two battered brothers, a look of annoyance on his face, “So Y/N is still in there and you have been banned for life, do I understand correctly?”

Sam looked at Dean, then dropped his head, “I mean, if you want to be technical about it…”

“What is the plan now? Do you have a goal, or are you just going to sit and argue with each other while Y/N takes her clothes off for financial compensation?”

Dean looked at Cas, his eyebrows raised, “Listen, Jealous McAssface, we just got our asses handed to us while trying to keep her from taking her clothes off. I don’t need your holier than thou attitude right now.”

“Dean, I am an-”

“I swear to God, Cas, if you say you’re an Angel of the Lord one more time, I’m going to kick your feathery ass.”

Sam’s phone rang and he hurried to answer it, “Hello?” He grimaced and held the phone out from his ear, “Hey, Y/N….No, we….it’s not that we didn’t think you could….now wait a second, that’s a little harsh…I can go and do what?….Oh….Come on, we didn’t….sorry, Y/N. Yep. ‘Kay, bye.” Sam slowly slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Y/N is fine.”

Dean looked at Sam expectantly, “Is that it? She’s fine?” 

Sam shook his head, “No, she had some other things she wanted us to do but…um…they weren’t relevant to the case, nor something I want to do with my brother, so…. Anyway, she said she would call us when she found something and for us to just leave.”

Dean opened the driver’s side door and looked at Sam, “I say we head back to the hotel, get cleaned up, and wait for her to call. Clearly, she can take care of herself.”

Sam walked around to the passenger side and started to sit when he saw Cas looking forlornly toward the strip club, “Cas, you comin’?” Suddenly Cas was gone and sitting in the back seat, and Sam sighed, “Alright then.”  He slipped into the car and Dean took off, the roar of the Impala echoing off the building as Cas watched it shrink in the distance.

“I do not like the idea of leaving her, Sam.”

Sam looked over his shoulder at Cas and smiled gently, “She’ll be fine. If I’ve learned anything about Y/N, it’s that she knows how to take care of herself and when to ask for help. We aren’t too far away. It’s okay, man.”

Cas shifted his gaze from Sam back to the window, “If that is what you truly believe, then I will accept that answer.” He fell silent, and Sam and Dean exchanged looks. The next couple of days were going to be long…and probably weird.

* * *

**Yesterday**

Sam and Dean were sitting in the hotel researching when Sam’s phone buzzed against the table.

“Hello?” Sam’s eyes jumped to Dean, concern etched in his features. “Y/N, slow down, what happened?” He put the phone on speaker and laid it in the middle of the table so that Dean could also hear.

_“Listen, there’s so much corn….maize…maze? Maize maze. I think…I think I’m in the middle? The club owner….he’s got a teardrop, I think it’s him. TEAR DROP, SAM.”_

Dean leaned forward, “Y/N, where are you?”

They heard a rustling, then Y/N cursing, then more rustling, “ _I told you, Dean, the maize maze. I’m in it. I think….there were some mushrooms? Maybe some flowers? They were pretty and smelled good. Have you ever had mushrooms on your taco? I highly recommend…hahah….high._ ” Dean looked at Sam, confusion clearly written on his face.

“Y/N….are you…are you _high_? What happened?”

They heard something else rustle, then Y/N giggled, “ _The nice man made me some tacos. ….Well…he was a nice man. But I think there was-_ ” the connection started to crackle and Sam and Dean exchanged concerned looks, “ _-shrooms, but I’m not so sure I like them, and the owner left me-_ ” there was more static, and then Y/N’s tiny voice came back through, “ _\- I’m tired. I’m gonna lay down now.”_

Sam grabbed the phone and held it closer to his mouth, “Y/N, don’t do that! Stay with us, okay? Where are you? Are you in the maze?”

“ _MAIZE. I am surrounded by maize. Sam, the owner has the tear drop! THE TEAR DROP-_ ” the line suddenly went dead and Sam looked at Dean, his eyes wide.

“What was that?”

Dean spun Sam’s laptop around and started typing, quickly read down the page he’d pulled up, and groaned as he spun the laptop back around, “She’s high as hell Sam, that’s what happened. Xochipilli is also apparently known for his use of flowers from psychotropic plants and hallucinogenic mushrooms, which I think our precious ‘Angel’ found out the hard way. How many things is this guy the god of?!” He slammed the laptop shut and leaned back in his chair as he rubbed tiredly at his eyes. “Dammit…maybe we shouldn’t have left her alone-”

“Why would you have doubts about that?” Cas interrupted, causing Dean to nearly topple backwards out of his chair .

“Shit, Cas! We’ve talked about this!” Dean rested his head in his hand, “Warn a guy before you freakin’ pop out of nowhere. Jesus.”

“I am sorry. But that does not answer my question. Why would you doubt your decision to leave Y/N behind? You specifically said she could take care of herself.”

Sam looked over at Dean, then back at Cas, who had narrowed his eyes at them, “Cas, listen, we’ll get her back. It shouldn’t take much to narrow down where he took her-”

“Get her back? She should not be gone! And what do you mean, ‘narrow it down’? You promised that this would not be an issue, and yet here we are. I should not be surprised, getting involved with a Winchester, never mind both, tends to lead to kidnapping, torture, or death. I should not have allowed this.” The lights had begun to flicker as Cas went on his tirade, and Sam’s eyes widened as he saw the dim outline of wings on the dingy wall behind Cas.

Sam held his hands up as if to surrender, “We’re sorry, Cas…we’ll get her back. I know the general area she was talking about, and her cell phone should be on so we can track it. I promise, she’ll be fine.”

“I am going after her. I can locate her quite easily-”

“No, Sam can go get her.”

Cas glared at Dean, the shadow of his wings growing more pronounced, and Sam nudged Dean, “Dude…maybe don’t interrupt him…”

Dean flipped the laptop around so that Cas could see it, “Tomorrow night there is an amateur guys night at the strip club. Since Sammy and I aren’t allowed to go back in…we’re going to need you to do it.” The wings grew darker, and Sam silently shook his head. His eyes moved towards the door as if judging whether he could make the distance before Cas went into full on smiting mode. “Also….fun fact….Xochipilli is also the god of homosexuality and male prostitution, so maybe you could, uh…work some magic with those baby blues of yours.”  The only thing that saved Dean from Cas’s obvious rage was Sam’s phone ringing. He quickly answered it and put it on speaker when Cas switched his glare from Dean to him.

“ _SAM. Listen…I’m not sure exactly where I am….but there’s still a lot of maize. Maze. …Corn. I think I’m in the middle. Things are a liiiiiiittle spinny….and by a little, I mean a lot. A lot spinny.”_ There was a small thud and then the sound of Y/N sighing.

“Y/N, what was that?” Sam asked as he looked up at Cas, who was staring at the phone in Sam’s hand, his anger replaced with concern.

There was another sigh, then a quiet giggle, “ _I found a box, so I climbed inside of it. It’s nice. I think I’ll live here now, in my maze box. Maize box. Maize mazey maize…_ ”

“Y/N, are you okay? You sound strange.” Cas’s voice had gone back to it’s normal, deep tone, and the room had returned to its well lit, wingless state.

“ _Cas!! Listen…I need you to follow the mushrooms. They will lead you to the….the umm….shit. Mushroom…leads to the….sadness. Yea! The mushrooms are the key to the Aztec’s tears. Corn tears. Wait…no. Maize? No…TALISMAN. Cas, follow the mushrooms!_ ” The line went dead, and Dean looked at Cas with raised eyebrows.

“Now are you in?”

Cas’s shoulders dropped and he sighed, “Fine. May I please borrow your laptop? It seems I have some research of my own to do.” 

* * *

**Right Freakin’ Now**

  _Outside Poppin’ Pacoani_

“Dean, I do not know about this. I do not think watching several hours worth of Youtube tutorials regarding pole dancing is sufficient training for this.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “It’s amateur night, Cas. They aren’t going to expect you to be perfect, and it’s not like you’re trying to get an actual job. I just need you in there to distract everyone while I look for Xochipilli, grab the pendant, and destroy it. You can do that, right? Y/N would be super impressed by such a selfless display of taking one for the team.” Dean winked and Cas frowned at him.

“Why would it matter if Y/N was impressed? I have told you, I do not-”

Dean waved a hand at Cas, “You aren’t kidding anyone, but if you want to keep denying that you have a thing for Y/N, that’s fine. We’ve all gotten pretty good at lying to ourselves about our feelings, so welcome to the club.” Dean looked at his watch, “Looks like we’ve got some time to kill. Why don’t we head over to the diner and grab some food, maybe go over what your game plan is?”

Cas shrugged, “As you are aware, I do not eat…but going over strategy would probably be a good idea.”

Dean rubbed his hands together, “Great. I saw that they had a special on the ‘World’s Best Bacon Cheeseburger’. Maybe they’ll have pie, too. Let’s go.” 

* * *

  _At the exact same time, in the middle of a corn maze_

 “Y/N!” Sam half whispered, half yelled into the falling darkness. Although they were pretty sure Xochipilli was at the strip club, especially for their amateur night, Sam wasn’t taking any chances as he wandered alone through the corn, his gun drawn. He heard a rustling to his right and quickly turned to investigate the sound. “Hello? Y/N, is that you?” He glanced down at his phone to see the blinking dot he’d been following was straight ahead. The maze did not have a path that went in the right direction and he sighed before plowing through, nearly tripping over a large wooden crate when he came out into a cleared section. His foot connected harshly with the crate, knocking it over, and Y/N toppled out like a drunken toddler. “There you are! Jesus, Y/N, are you okay?”

She sat up and blinked slowly at him, “I don’t know…am I actually awake right now?” Sam nodded, and she rubbed an arm across her face sleepily. “Good news is…I don’t think I’m high on those mushrooms anymore. Bad news is that my head feels like it’s going to explode, and I have no idea how the hell I ended up in a crate….or in a cornfield.”

Sam reached out to help her stand, “Well, we think Xochipilli must have dropped you off here, although we aren’t sure why, other than this is where the bodies were found. But we’re pretty sure he’s at the strip club, so maybe he just wanted to mess with you…although I’m not sure what good that would do for him. Hmm…”

Y/N cleared her throat, “Umm…Sam…I’ve got some more bad news.”

Sam looked up from his phone, “What?”

Y/N pointed over his shoulder, and he turned around to find himself face to face with what looked like one of the Aztec statues of Xochipilli, only life sized. “Are you freaking kidding me?” he groaned as it shoved him out of the way and walked slowly towards Y/N.

“Now listen here, buddy, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I am not about this life right now. I guess this could be part of a bad trip…yea…that’s it. This is just a really bad trip. Have I mentioned how much I hate mushrooms? Why don’t you tell Chief Cornstalk that I’m gonna opt out of becoming a human scarecrow? It’s not really my style, and honestly I’d make a terrible one, too many curves on this bod. You’re not gonna fool anyone that I’m just made out of straw, ya know?” She ran out of room to back up and looked over the statue’s shoulder at Sam, “A little help here, Moose!”

Sam rolled his eyes at the nickname, but fumbled for his gun that had been knocked out of his hand when he fell. He finally found it, but the statue had grabbed Y/N, and he was afraid he would hit her if he shot.

“Sam, what are you waiting for? He’s…he’s trying to squeeze me to death!” Y/N was struggling to break free, but he could tell she was having trouble catching her breath. He looked around and felt relief when he saw a piece of rebar lying near where he’d found Y/N.

“Y/N, DUCK!” She ducked down as well as she could as Sam swung, the rebar connecting with the statues stone head. The statue shattered and Y/N fell to the ground, breathing heavily. Sam dropped the rebar and shook his hand as the vibrations from the metal connecting with stone traveled up his arm.

“This is the worst corn maze ever,” Y/N gasped as she leaned back on her hands and looked at Sam.

“It’s maize,” Sam corrected. Y/N flipped Sam off and he laughed. They both froze when they heard a rustle, “Are there any more of those things?”

Y/N scrambled to her feet, “How the hell am I supposed to know? I’ve been high as balls this whole time.”

Sam nodded, “Fair enough. Let’s go.” They took off running toward the car as the rustling began to come from what seemed like every direction.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets to show off his dancing skills, and Y/N finds out that Cas isn't as naive as he sometimes seems.

_The corner booth of a diner…still somewhere in Nebraska_

“Alright, Cas, you’ve got your name, you’ve got your song. We’ve gone over the basic moves you’ll need if you even have to go on stage. Do you have your outfit?”

The angel nodded, “Yes. It is…um…it is in my pocket.”

Dean choked back a snort at the realization that what Cas had planned to wear was small enough to fit in his coat pocket. Cas glared at him and tilted his head, and Dean waved him off, “I’m sorry man, this whole thing is just…I didn’t think our lives could get any weirder.”

“There are days where I think that staying in Heaven would have been a wiser choice.” 

Dean laughed, “Awe, come on Cas, how many angels can say they stripped to-” he was interrupted by his phone ringing, “Hello? Oh hey, Sammy. Awesome, she’s okay? Yea, I bet…wait, what? You had to fight a what now? Well, shit. Are there any more?…..What do you mean you don’t know? No, no…I understand…what….hello? Hey Y/N…stop yelling! You want me to do what….dude, that’s sick. I’m sorry, I didn’t expect….yep. Okay. You got it…well, not that part, but yea…okay. Bye.”

He hung up, and Cas looked at him expectantly, “Well? Is she okay? What did she say?”

Dean couldn’t help but smile at Cas’s obvious reaction to Y/N being found, “Slow down there, big fella. She’s fine. She told me to do some not so nice things to myself, and possibly Sam, and then she told me to tell you hello. They are on their way back now.”  
  
Cas sighed in relief, “This is good, it means I do not have to go inside and pretend to be a stripper.”

“Whoa-oh-oh, that is not what that means,” Dean said as he shook his head, “I said Y/N was coming back with Sam, but we still haven’t destroyed the talisman yet. Apparently ol’ Xochipilli has a few tricks up his sleeve. Y/N and Sam just had to kill some statue he brought to life. They don’t know if there are any more, but if I were a gambling man I’d put my money on there being more. We’re winging it at this point, but I’d say if we take out the god, we also take out the statues he brought to life.” Dean nodded toward the bathroom and wiggled his eyebrows, “Time to suit up, champ.”

Cas sighed, “Is this really necessary? Are we sure I cannot just use my angel powers to take care of it?”

Dean shook his head, “Too many witnesses. This will be much better, I promise. Now, go on in there and change your clothes. It’s time to head over and get signed up.”

Cas begrudgingly got up and slowly walked to the bathroom. Dean waved over the waitress, “Do you have any more of that cherry pie?” He asked with a smile, and winked when the waitress blushed. She walked away and he sighed happily to himself; tonight was turning out to be a pretty good evening. Someone cleared their throat and he looked up to see Cas standing in front of him, still in his long trench coat. “Did you actually change clothes?”

Cas nodded, “It’s…um…it’s all I have on under this coat.” Dean glanced down and noticed the bundle of clothes Cas was holding in his hand.

“Oh…okay…so that’s…alright. How ‘bout we head out of here then, it’s a little…I bet it’s drafty.” Dean bit back his laughter as he walked over to the counter, “I’m going to need to take that cherry pie to go.”

* * *

_Outside Poppin’ Pacoani_

“Dean, I do not think I can do this. You said that you and Sam would have this wrapped up before I would need to be on stage, and you do not even know where this god is. I cannot go on that stage.”

Dean patted Cas on the back, “Of course you can. You’ve got the outfit, you’ve got the name, you’ve got the song. You’ve researched all the moves that you will need, you’ll be fine. Sam should be here soon, and I’ll probably already have it taken care of by then. Let’s go inside, get you signed up, and see what we see.”

“I thought you were banned for life, how are you going to get inside without getting caught?”

Dean slipped on the glasses he used while hunting hellhounds and a baseball cap, “It’s called a disguise, Cas. See?”

Cas shook his head, “I can still see that it is you. I do not see what you are disguising.”

“It doesn’t matter, come on.” Dean pulled the door open and ushered Cas inside. It was dimly lit as they walked over to the counter, “Is this where my friend here can sign up for amateur night?”

The woman behind the counter shoved a piece of paper at him and nodded without looking up from her magazine, “We need your stage name, what song you’ll be usin’, and your real name in the event that you win any prizes. Do you have your own costume, or do you need one of ours?”

Dean grabbed the paper and began scribbling down the information she’d asked for, “No, we’re good, he has his own.”

“Great. You’ll need to head through the main doors, then make a left and go up a couple of steps, go down that hallway, and make a right. They’ll tell you what to do from there.”

“Thanks. Come on, buddy.” They began walking towards the staging area when a large hand settled on Cas’s arm and stopped him mid stride.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” Dean turned to face the source of the voice and had to look up. The man was easily a foot taller than him with dark hair that was swept up into a bundle at the base of his neck. Tattoos wound up and down his arms, the geometric patterns almost mesmerizing, and his dark brown, almost black, eyes looked like deep pits.

Dean’s eyes traveled down and rested on the tear shaped pendant that he was wearing, “That’s a nice necklace.”

The man gave a passing look at Dean, then focused back on Cas, “Don’t tell me you’re here for amateur night?” Cas nodded and looked at Dean, clearly confused. “Mmmm, good. You look like you’ll fit right in.” He pulled Cas from Dean and began to walk away with him while they talked, “It’s hard to believe that you’re an amateur…are you sure you haven’t had experience with this kind of thing before?” Cas shook his head and looked back over his shoulder at Dean as if asking what he should do. Dean just shrugged and slowly began moving in the direction Xochipilli was taking Cas.

Just as they turned the corner, Dean’s phone rang, “Hello?”

_“Dean, we’re outside of the club. What’s going on?”_

“Well, our friend Xochipilli has taken Cas to where the other strippers get ready to go on stage. He’s huge, Sam. I’m talking ‘you look small next to him’ huge. It’s definitely him though, I saw the pendant, I just didn’t get a chance to grab it. I followed them, but the entrance where he took Cas has a bouncer, and I don’t think my disguise is as good as I let Cas believe. He seemed pretty interested though, so I’m going to assume he’s going to come back out to watch Cas dance.” Dean heard Y/N start giggling uncontrollably in the background, “Had you not told her yet?”

“ _No, but she seems to think that it’s a good idea. Actually, we’re heading in now. Hopefully it’s dark enough in there that they don’t recognize me…or her. You know what, I don’t think we thought this through very well.”_

“Story of our lives, Sam. Just get in here.” Dean looked around the room and found a table in the darkest corner that also had the best vantage point. He nonchalantly walked over and sat down with his back towards the wall so that he could see everything and not have anything sneak up on him. A moment later Sam and Y/N arrived, both of them looking a little worse for wear. Y/N sat down next to Dean, and he reached over to pluck cornsilk out of her hair. Dean looked at Sam and laughed, “Where the hell did you get that cowboy hat?”

Sam glared at him, “Shut up. It’s the only thing I could find in the trunk of the car I stole, and I’m not excited that I had to put some stranger’s hat on. It’s gross.”

Sam looked around the club poutily and Dean turned his attention back to Y/N, “How are you feeling? Seems like you had quite the adventure the past couple of days.”

She rolled her eyes, “If you want to call it an adventure. I’d like to call it the bad ‘shroom trip I’m going to forget ever happened’.” Dean looked at her quietly for a moment, and finally she broke the silence, “What?”

“Where’d you learn to dance like that?”

Y/N laughed, “After all this, and what we still have to do, and your main concern is where I learned how to pole dance?”

Dean shrugged, “I mean, it’s a valid question. Also, tattoos? Do I even know you, Y/N?”

Y/N winked, “Not as well as you’d like to, Winchester.” Her eyes widened when she saw a large figure looming toward the front fire exit, “There he is.”

Dean nodded, “Sam…we need to move.”

Both brothers took off and left Y/N to watch as they flanked the large, ancient god. Y/N thought a god would know when two humans were about to move in, but between their stealth and the fact that his attention was on the blue-eyed angel that was nervously peeking through the side curtain, he didn’t stand a chance. Sam grabbed him and pulled him through the fire exit and Dean slipped through after them, the door shutting with a quiet click that you’d have to be paying attention to to even notice.

Five minutes went by, then ten. Amateur dancers began traipsing across the stage, one right after the other, although Y/N wasn’t paying much attention to them. Her eyes were on the curtains to the far left where she would occasionally glimpse a shock of dark brown hair and bright blue eyes looking to see if the Winchesters were going to save him from certain fate.

Y/N jumped when Sam threw himself down in the chair next to her, breathing heavily, but otherwise okay. Dean slid into the seat on the other side of her, the tiniest bit of blood spatter on his neck giving away what he’d been up to just moments before. She motioned to Dean’s neck, “You’ve got a little…Aztec god…on your neck. Just there.”

Dean absent-mindedly wiped it away as he watched the stage, “Is Cas up yet?”

Y/N looked at him, her eyebrow raised, “I thought you were supposed to stop him if you took care of it fast enough?” Sam and Dean looked at each other, their eyes sparkling with suppressed glee, and Y/N rolled her eyes, “You guys are the literal worst. You promised him-” She was interrupted by the announcer.

_“Ladies, gentlemen too if you’re into this kind of thing, we have a special treat for you tonight. All the way here from Dusseldorf, Germany, a blue eyed devil you have to see to believe, welcome to the stage Felix von Weinerschnitzel!”_ The curtain was thrown open, and Cas awkwardly walked onto the stage, his eyes narrowed in the glare of the spotlight.

He was still wearing his trenchcoat, and Sam elbowed Dean, “Dude, why is he still in his trenchcoat?”

Dean’s eyes were squeezed shut as he laughed silently to himself, and all he could do was shake his head at Sam. “Just wait,” he managed to wheeze out.

Y/N glared at Sam and Dean, “You two are just awful. That’s your friend up there, and you could have easily stopped this from happening…” Y/N trailed off as the beginning notes of Cas’s song began to play. Y/N looked at Dean with wide eyes, “You didn’t.” All Dean was able to do was nod as he bent over, his arm on his knee, and wipe tears from his eye.

As the guitar moved into its opening riff, Cas began to sway back and forth as he unbuttoned his trench coat to the beat, and Y/N’s jaw dropped as the coat fell away to reveal what was, without a doubt, the skimpiest pair of lederhosen she had ever seen.

_I believe in miracles_  
Where you from  
You sexy thing, sexy thing you 

_Since you came along_

_You sexy thing_

Sam was doubled over laughing, and Dean had finally caught his breath and was watching Cas with a proud smile. Y/N, without looking at either Winchester, muttered, “Cas is freakin’ ripped.” Dean was thrown into another round of hysterics, but Y/N couldn’t stop watching as Cas slowly pulled off his trenchcoat and threw it to the side.

_Where did you come from, baby?_

_How did you know I needed you?_

He moved to the pole and gripped it tightly, slowly spinning around while keeping his eyes on the crowd. He dropped suddenly, rolling his body back up slowly, and the crowd cheered.

_How did you know I needed you so badly?_

_How did you know I’d give my heart so gladly?_

_Yesterday I was one of the lonely people_

_Now you’re lying close to me, making love to me_

Y/N felt a blush creep across her cheeks as Cas looked into the crowd and caught her eye. Despite having kept a straight face the entire time, the moment their eyes locked Cas smiled slightly, and Y/N realized that she’d held her breath the entire time he’d been dancing around the pole.

“He just dropped it like it was hot,” Dean snorted, and Sam howled with laughter.

Y/N gave Dean a stern look, “Did you choose this song on purpose?”

Dean smiled and shook his head, “I just thought it would be funny, someone singing about miracles while a literal angel was stripping…but it does seem to hit a little close to home, doesn’t it?”

Y/N crossed her arms, “Shut up.” Her eyes shifted back to watch Cas, who had lifted himself up on the pole and, with one leg wrapped around it as he held on with one hand, spun slowly back to the ground.

_Where did you come from, angel?_

_How did you know I’d be the one?_

_Did you know you’re everything I prayed for?_

Cas stood with his back against the pole, and his hands grasped above his head as his hips swayed back and forth. He met Y/N’s eyes again as he slowly slid down the pole and then rolled back up.

_Did you know, every night and day for?_

_Every day, needing love and satisfaction_

_Now you’re lying next to me, giving it to me_

The music faded, and Cas paused awkwardly for a moment, then took a bow as the crowd stood and cheered. He waved, gathered up his trench coat, and hurried off the stage. Sam and Dean had both stood and were clapping, but Y/N remained seated, her heart racing as she realized what she had just seen and heard.

Dean looked over at her and grinned, “You okay?”

Y/N looked up slowly, “Did he understand that song? Or did you just pick it out for him?”

Dean shrugged, “I was under the assumption that he knew what he was doing. He’s an angel, not a newborn.” Dean’s phone went off, and he pulled it out of his pocket. “Come on, our little Elizabeth Berkley is outside waiting for us.”

Sam laughed, “I wonder if he’s as excited and scared as she was.”

Y/N rolled her eyes as she pushed her chair in and followed Sam and Dean outside, “Enough with the Saved by the Bell references. Dumb asses.” Y/N slowed down as she approached Cas, who was now back in his regular suit and trench coat, “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Y/N.”

Sam coughed and nudged Dean, and the two wandered towards the Impala, leaving Y/N and Cas alone.

“Thank you for…umm…for doing that. I know that was probably the last thing you wanted to do so…thanks.”

“You do not need to thank me, Y/N. I would…well, I would do anything to help you. Although I must be honest, I really wish Sam and Dean had been able to stop Xochipilli before I got on stage.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, “Cas…they did. They were sitting with me the whole time.” Cas looked over at the brothers, who were leaning against the Impala and pretending not to stare at them, and sighed.

“That is not amusing in the slightest.”

Y/N laughed, “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think you did an amazing job.” Cas looked at her and smiled slightly. “Also, I have to ask…did you pick that song on purpose?”

“Dean technically picked it out, but I may have thought it was a fitting choice.”

Y/N moved closer and straightened Cas’s tie, “You think I’m a sexy thing?”

Cas had looked down at where her hands were fidgeting with his tie, and then looked up at her through his thick lashes, “I think you are a beautiful woman, if that is what you are asking.”

Y/N crooked her finger under his chin and brought his eyes level with hers, “Well…you’re everything I’ve ever prayed for…Felix von Weinerschnitzel.” She leaned in and kissed him softly, and Cas pulled her closer, his hands buried in her hair. When they finally pulled away from each other, Cas rested his forehead gently against Y/N’s, and she smiled, “I do believe in miracles.”

Cas chuckled, “Well, I am an Angel of the Lord so it is only fitting.”

* * *

**1 Month Later…**

The bunker door slammed shut and Sam quickly descended the stairs, flipping through mail as he went.

“Dean, one of your magazines came in!”

“I’m in the library!”

Sam walked into the library and threw the magazine down on the table Dean was sitting at, then went back to sorting mail, pausing in confusion at one of the labels, “What the hell….Castiel Winchester?”

Dean’s eyes widened, and he grabbed the envelope from Sam. “What is that?” Dean ripped open the envelope and cheered, “He won! He freakin’ won!”

Sam narrowed his eyes at Dean, “First of all, opening someone else’s mail is a felony. Second, who won what? Cas?”

Dean grinned, “When we had that case in Nebraska, I signed in Cas. It asked for an address, because if you win amateur night you win $300. I put our PO box down.” Dean waved the check around, “Where is Clarence, anyway?”

Sam shrugged and sat down to open his mail, “Somewhere with Y/N probably, why?”

“No reason,” Dean smiled, “but maybe we should have him do stuff like that more often.”


End file.
